free my man he did all of it but i dont care
the crowd calling on pontius pilate to release barabbas instead of Jesus
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I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF
This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.
Reblogging because it’s a damn potato and I want to encourage people to assume potatoes are magical.
w-what if potato is actually lucky
"I'm a lesbian but I swing both ways when it's funny"
Fuck it, I'm ace aro but I fuck around and find out if it makes me a better clown
Roommate went out of town once, asked me to look after her cat.
Night one she comes down meowing at me. I go check her food/water, they're full. Litter box empty. Make sure my roommate's door is still open and she's not locked out of her room or something. I try to pet her and she dodges me, offer her treats and she won't have it, try playing with her but she won't play, try just ignoring her and she won't stop following me around meowing at me.
So I call my roommate, concerned maybe she was sick or in pain and that's why she was being so insistent despite having all her needs met.
Roommate goes: "OH! She wants you to go to bed. Go upstairs to my room and just sit in my bed with her for a few minutes. She should curl up and get comfortable. Once shes laid down she usually lets me go back to what I'm doing she just can't seem to go to bed on her own"
Sure enough, I go sit on roommates bed and she just happily jumps up, curls up on the blanket, and purrs herself to sleep.
I like when cats try to give their humans healthy habits.
Restaurants and bars really love to test your sobriety by making the route to their bathrooms as labyrinthine as possible
Me: I'm not that drunk
Me trying to figure out where the Fuck they've hidden the restrooms in this bar: So this is how Odysseus felt huh
Everyone tagging this post with their local bars/restaurants that have ridiculous bathroom layouts.....I see u. I am u. We are all Odysseus, and our Ithaca is a toilet covered in stickers.
ok I just HAVE to include this picture from inside the bathroom door of this one bar I went to
only one of these knobs work and it's not the one that's a different color from the rest
There’s a tourist trap in NYC called the Jekyll and Hyde Club. It’s kitsch, overpriced, and kinda fun. The elevator is wonky on purpose, there’s animatronic talking heads on the walls, the paintings talk, the waiters are dressed up, and it’s all interactive. I’ve been there a few times.
But the bathroom?
This is the hallway to the bathroom. You have to read the titles of the books to figure it out. And they don’t tell you how to get in.
Riddle me piss!
Okay riddle me piss caught me off guard and now instead of being angry that these bathrooms exist I'm trying not to laugh and wake everyone up
I wish someone would put my post under the water, maybe I want to be lost at sea forever
I've got you bestie dw about it
Puts you in the water
Sorry could you speak up I can't hear you under all that water
I said damn these manatees looking kinda thick
Oh! Ok
Waterboards you too so you feel included
Sorry what was that? Have you considered not being deep underwater so I could hear you?
I’M DRINKING ALL THE WATER THATS ENOUGH
Me putting all the water back so I can keep waterboarding my mutuals:
never ask a woman her age, a man his salary, and a gen z trans masc why their name is dave
this is taking me out whoever reblogged with this may god bless ur soul